Chapter 1: "Cake"

Listen to it here

Kari stood in front of the mirror and yawned as she always did first thing in the morning. The sun streamed in through the uncovered window, lighting the small room and promising for a good day. She doubted that very much, but deep inside she hoped for it.

She ran a brush through her long dark hair and combed the short bangs forward. They seemed more trouble than they were worth, always sticking up every morning after sleeping, but her mom liked them and insisted on cutting her hair that way. She had learned to pick her battles and that one was so small, she’d rather sacrifice looks for beatings.

Dark circles under her eyes made her brown eyes look darker. She had never slept well. Ever since she remembered her dreams had always been detailed and wild, but they faded within moments upon waking. Every night a dream and every day she was left with nothing, only this feeling of loss, like she was missing half of who she was.

“Karina Francis Lam! Get your ass down here!” Her mother bellowed from the depths of the small house.

Kari’s bare feet flew across the worn wooden floor and thumped down the stairs.

“Yes, Mother?”

“The animals won’t feed themselves.”

Kari ducked her head in a nod. “Yes, Mother.” She turned and jammed her feet in her black rubber boots then traipsed out the door.

Their five acre farm stretched out before her in the morning sunlight. The trees lined the edges of the fields and the blackberry bushes threatened to swallow the fences. She followed the worn dirt path to the little red barn. The door had rolled off the hinges and hung crooked on the railing. She’d have to convince her brother to help her lift it on to the track again.

Inside, the horses nickered and the cow lowed. She pushed the wheel barrow down the center aisle and stopped to throw a few flakes of hay at a time to each horse as she went, stopping at the end near the cow, Mrs. Mooney.

“Morning girl.” After throwing her a flake, Kari scratched the cow on the forehead then grabbed the metal pail and went into her stall. She pulled the stool out of the corner and set it down next to her and the pail underneath. Her fingers squeezed each teat and worked the milk from them. The muscles between Kari’s thumb and index finger bulged with each stroke.

Jingles, the tabby cat that had adopted the family meowed and rubbed at the side of her rubber boot. Kari took a hand and stroked his back. His rear end lifted to meet her hand with each pet. She dipped her finger in the milk and then let him lick it off the end before she continued with her task. He meowed happily and took this as an invitation to climb the edge of the bucket. As this was an everyday occurrence, Kari was ready and caught his paws, redirecting him in a path away from the bucket. He gave her an annoyed look, one that every cat has perfected and sauntered off.

When she was finished, she measured and dumped the grain for the horses, cow, and pigs. She fed the chickens, ducks, and rabbits, then returned to the small barn and filled the waters. At the end of it, she opened up the back doors of the stalls and horses cantered out of the stall, flipping their tails in excitement. The cow moseyed out, giving her a nudge on the hand before she left.

Kari let out a sigh and wiped the sweat from her brow. The morning sun was already sweltering and she would be glad when the heat finally broke, but that would mean school, and fall leaves, and mud. She returned to the house, left her boots on the porch and walked through the screen door. Her mother was working in the kitchen.

“Where’s Dad?” Kari asked.

“He went to a friend’s house. They are getting a new washing machine and are giving us their old one.”

Kari sat at the table. “Will he be back before dinner?”

Her mother turned around, spatula in hand. “Do I look like I know?”

Kari dropped her eyes and shook her head.

Her mother turned back to the counter. “Selfish girl. Only thinking about dinner and not about the family. We’re getting a new washer. You should be happy about that. No more hand washing your clothes or water all over the ground. Instead you worry about if daddy will be home for your dinner. Selfish, selfish, selfish.” She waved the spatula as she spoke. “Not even a word of how thankful you are for what I’m doing for you.”

Kari leaned to the side to see around her mother. A large layered chocolate cake sat in front of her. She was using the spatula to coat chocolate icing on it. It wasn’t often something so decadent graced the house. Kari’s eyes went wide. She couldn’t believe her mother was actually making a cake for her birthday. Usually they just bought a cheap ice cream cake from the store.

“Edwin! Lucy!” Her mother called. Her throaty voice creaked on the last syllable sending her in to a hacking smoker’s cough.

The upstairs floor rumbled like a heard of horses as Edwin and Lucy ran for the stairs. Their giggles filled the room as they slid into their seats at the table. Their mother tipped her chin to the side to watch them, a gleam in her eye.

“Now, I am going to make you breakfast. I need room on the counter so I’m going to put this right here, but you can’t touch it. It’s for your sister’s birthday party tonight and you wouldn’t want to make her sad, right?” Her mother set the chocolate cake in the center of the square kitchen table.

Her brother and sister’s eyes went wide as they watched the cake land. Edwin’s finger was almost in the cake before it touched the table. Mother batted it away. Her eyes connected with Kari’s in a warning glance. Kari’s jaw clenched. She knew what she was supposed to do now.

Their mother turned back around. “Now just be patient. I’m going to start cooking breakfast. Don’t touch that cake.”

Edwin smiled like a devil and swiped his finger in the cake. Kari darted forward and caught his hand before it reached his mouth. She brushed the icing off his finger and smeared it back on the cake.

“Kaykay,” he whined.

“Shh…” Kari whispered. She held his hand in place on the table.

Lucy leaned forward smelling the chocolate masterpiece. She leaned forward more and more, then stuck her tongue out. Kari wrapped the fingers of one hand around her brother’s wrists and pushed Lucy back by the forehead.

“Stop it,” Kari whispered.

Lucy stuck her tongue out and snarled her nose.

“Breakfast will be done soon.” She spared a glance at her mother. She seemed to be moving extra slow as she flipped the bacon in the pan.

Edwin squirmed. Kari eased her grip to make him more comfortable, but he lunged forward and stabbed his fingers in the side of the cake. Kari caught one hand, but the other one jammed a fist full of icing in his face.

Lucy’s eyes narrowed as she watched Edwin’s face light up with the delightful taste of chocolate. Kari patted at the cake, trying to smooth it over while Lucy took a swipe at it and licked her finger.

“MMMMmmmm,” Lucy moaned.

Kari’s eyes went wide in horror. The smell of burning bacon filled the room and their mother turned around. She saw the cake and the chocolate smeared all over Edwin’s and Kari’s hands.

“Karina! I told you not to touch the cake. How is it Lucy is the only one that listens to me?” She put her hands on her hips. “Fine. You want cake so much. You will eat it. All of it. I don’t want a single crumb of it left on this table. Happy birthday.”

Her mother turned the stove off and left the room. Lucy and Edwin dove forward, shoving pieces of cake in their mouths in handfuls. The burning bacon smell filled the room as it continued to sizzle away. Kari jumped up and moved it to the side. A splash of bacon grease hit the back of her hand. She let out an angry hiss and ran it under cold water from the sink faucet.

Her brother and sister giggled between bites of chocolate cake. The cold water cooled the burn, but every time she removed it, the hot stinging pain returned. After ten minutes, she gave up and returned to the table. Half the cake still remained. Edwin leaned back in his chair. His face and shirt were covered in chocolate. Lucy patted her stomach, her mouth still chewing the chocolate goodness.

Kari leaned forward and stabbed at it with a fork and took a mouthful. It was deep and rich. Every mouthful felt like eating a week’s worth of food. She couldn’t believe her mother had gone through all the trouble to make this of all things for her birthday. What did she do to deserve such an extravagant cake?

She ate a few more pieces when her mother came in. She took a seat at the head of the table. Kari avoided her gaze and dropped her hands down to her sides.

“I said eat it all. Not a single crumb left.”

Kari lifted her eyes. Her mother’s eyes were dead serious. She took the fork and continued to take bites of the cake. Edwin ate a few more bites, using his hand to scoop it in. Lucy swiped at it with two fingers and finished off another large chunk, but there was still so much. Kari dutifully worked at it. Scoopful after scoopful. Mountain after mountain.

Her stomach started to turn. The richness filled her mouth and she craved something wet to wash it down with. She went to take a step away from the table and get a glass of milk.

“What are you doing? I said eat it all.”

“I was jus--,”

“Just, just, Just what? You wanted the cake so bad, now eat it. Sit. Eat,” She commanded.

Kari nodded and sat quickly. She spooned more mouthfuls in. It was so much cake. It was her looming hurtle and she knew what was in store for her now if she didn’t finish it.

Edwin sighed. “Can I go play?”

Their mother’s eyes narrowed. “Did you finish your cake?”

He held his cake covered hands up. “I ate it.”

Their mother nodded. “Alright. Go wash up. Lucy, you can go too.” Her eyes swung to Kari. She left the words unspoken. Kari avoided her glance and continued mouthful after mouthful of chocolate.

She had been eating it so much that is started to taste like dirt. It was more like a mountain now. The icing like creamy winter mud stirred up by the horses and the sponge like planting soil. It sank in her belly like heavy stones and filled her esophagus until her heart felt like it was going to burst at the seams. A few bites remained.

“Finish it.”

Kari held back vomit as she shoveled the last few pieces in her mouth. She stuffed it in until only the chocolate icing was left. Her mouth chewed but she couldn’t swallow. Her eyes looked up at her mother with a question.

Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “Are you going to listen next time?”

Kari nodded her head.

“There are still a few crumbs left.”

Kari used her fingers to smear the icing and catch the crumbs. She put her fingers to her lips and pushed it in.

“Good girl. Now swallow it.”

Kari chewed and chewed. She wanted to throw up, but she took in a big breath through her nose and forced it down bit by bit. Her mother stared her down. She finally finished it. Her mouth felt stiff and her jaw sore. She opened her mouth to show her mother.

Her mother nodded. “Go play. I don’t want to see your face until dark. You disappoint me.”

Kari lowered her head and left the room. She knew it was foolish to hope for a nice birthday. She jammed her rubber boots on and left the house. She followed the path to the barn, then through the pasture and over the fence. Once she was in the trees she found the trail to the creek where she sat. The rushing waters of the creek covered the sounds of her retching.

Copyright 2018 Ava Altair

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